12 Years post adoption....

Well, here we are...10 years after my last full post. Thought I'd catch you all up on what's been happening. Grace is now 12, and by that I mean full-blown all out 12 years old! She's into clothes, makeup and shoes (although DH and I don't let her wear makeup outside the house). Her passion is now figure skating. She started two years ago in January, and has progressed steadily to be in the pre-figure skating 2 class at our local ice skating rink. She also take private lessons with two different coaches and competes around the state. She's come a long way in those two years, but still has much to learn. I'm happy that she's found the sport that will keep her active and fit. She's also made friends with some of the other figure skaters, as she's joined the local skating club. In addition to skating, she is one smart cookie. She carries straight A's consistently in school and is in accelerated classes for Math and Language Arts. I know that at some point she'll hit a wall where she'll have to work harder to understand the concepts and maintain her GPA, but for now she seems to effortlessly maintain her grades. It's not because of anything DH or I have done, it's because she is a smart girl. We can't and don't take credit for it. All of the credit goes to her biological parents from whom she inherited her brains. We now have a second beagle dog. He's two years old. Our first beagle, C, had to be put down a few years ago because he had a brain tumor. it was the first time I'd experienced putting down an animal, and boy was it hard for all of us. I'm not a dog fanatic like some people, and I knew that it was the right thing to do, but even so there were lots of tears and sadness for a long while afterwards. I figured we were done with having a family dog, but then a couple of years ago in a weak moment we gave into getting a 7 week old beagle puppy, K. He's a sweet dog, and the girls love him. But even with the love they feel for him, I'm usually the one to take care of him. I'm guessing there are many parents out there that can relate! DD1 graduated college 3 years ago, and moved back home for about a year and half to figure out her future plans. She worked at a couple of different jobs that she didn't like, and decided to go back to being part time at the tanning salon while she works on her masters. She moved out of the house almost a year ago, and now is engaged to be married next summer. We've started the wedding planning already. It amazing how far in advance you have to plan these things. But it's going well, and she's happy. In the meantime, DD2 is graduating from college this coming summer. She's taken a job at an autism center close by, so she'll be moving back home in May. Then she'll be starting her masters after she pays off some (hopefully all) of her college debt. She's single and focusing on herself. I think that's a good plan for her right now. She'll have plenty of time to find the right guy and settle down. Right now is her time. DH is semi-retired now. He drives a school bus so we can keep health insurance, because I took a buy-out at my company and retired a few years ago. I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM to Grace. Working full-time during the time our older girls were growing up means I'm so grateful to have this time with my last baby. She and I are really close. We have our moments where we don't get along, but nothing out of the ordinary. That's not to say that it's all been roses...When Grace was 5 and she tasted her first sense of independence after learning to ride a two wheeler, we started seeing behavior issues that we just didn't know how to handle on our own. We started seeing a family counselor that specializes in attachment issues. I won't go into too much detail because I want to maintain privacy, but after a couple of years of work on mostly DH and I's parenting style, we came out the other side in good shape. I'm not expecting this to last forever, as I think we'll be headed back in for counseling as we try to navigate the teen years. I'm telling you all this, so as not to discourage anyone from adopting, but in order to be honest about what you may experience. Our counselor told us that when you adopt it's not a matter of if you'll need help from a professional, but rather a matter of when. As adoption issues will come up. And if you think about it, it makes sense. There's a profound loss that an adoptee experiences, and that causes trauma. Trauma is something that can't be buried, and must be addressed. That trauma may be expressed by your adopted child when they are young, a teenager, or an adult or maybe all of those stages in different manifestations. It's important to know that and be prepared. Before we adopted, we had to go through the classes taught by our adoption agency on trauma, attachment, behavior issues, etc. I remember hearing in the training classes that you "may" experience the issues brought up during the training, so I decided in my naivete that we would not be one of the people that would experience these issues. We'd be "the lucky ones". So when we did start having issues, I was surprised and in denial. I really wish that I'd understood more fully what I was getting myself into. I think I would've gone for help sooner and not been so hard on myself, my DH and my daughter because I felt like we'd failed in some way. We love our daughter and she loves us, but unfortunately it's not enough. Love does not cure all, but love does provide the basis for understanding that we all need help once in awhile, and there's no shame in that. So that's my tale of caution for anyone considering adoption.